Dear Coleen: I'm scared to tell my new man I still have a husband

"I worry he’ll think it’s a hassle to date someone going through divorce."

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman aged 39 and I’ve been separated from my ex for a few months, but we’re still in the early stages of divorce.

I’ve started dating again because I don’t want to waste time, being nearly 40, plus my ex was having an affair, which is the reason we split.

I’m kind of being motivated by rage and revenge! I’ve had a few dates since the marriage ended, but nothing felt right until a few weeks ago, when I met a really great man who seems perfect for me.

He’s a couple of years younger and has never been married, so isn’t carrying any baggage. My problem is, I haven’t told him I’ve been married and that I’m currently getting divorced.

Initially, it was because I wanted to see if we were a good match, but I’m worried about telling him in case he runs for the hills. I worry he’ll think it’s a hassle to date someone going through divorce.

What do you think? He does know I’ve recently come out of a serious, long-term relationship, but that’s as much as I’ve told him. I’d love your opinion on what to do next.

Coleen says

Well, firstly, just because your new boyfriend hasn’t been married, it doesn’t mean he isn’t carrying any relationship baggage.

When you get to a certain age, it’s fair to assume most people have experienced break-ups and heartbreak.

In this stage of getting to know each other, honesty is the best policy – in fact, it’s crucial for building trust.

If you carry on hiding the divorce, it’ll get harder to tell the truth and when he does find out, he might wonder what else you’re keeping from him.

Look, if he runs for the hills, he’s not right for you. You’d a life before him and if he can’t deal with it, then you move on.

I think the way to approach it is to explain that you didn’t tell him straight away because he’s the first person you’ve felt a real connection with, and you were nervous about what to say and how he might react. Tell the truth.

And tell him what happened to end your marriage – that your ex had an affair and you value ­yourself too much to stand for that.

You have nothing to be ashamed of and, hopefully, your new guy will see you’re strong and that you do value honesty and trust in a relationship. Good luck.