'My husband is hiding a female friendship from me and I am worried he is having an emotional affair'
The wife suspects her husband's seemingly innocent friendship might actually be something more
Harbouring friendships with the opposite sex when you are in a relationship can sometimes be a tough one to navigate. Even if you are secure in your marriage or coupling, jealousy and worry can always sneak their way in.
This is the predicament facing one woman who is worried that the female friendship her husband has been "hiding" from her for more than a year may actually be an emotional affair.
An emotional affair is a non-physical relationship with someone outside of a committed partnership where an intense emotional connection develops, often mimicking the intimacy of a romantic relationship.
The woman, who has two children to her husband of 24 years, took to Mumsnet to share her dilemma: "I need help with an emotional affair and huge gaslighting - or to help me deal with a shiny new friendship my husband has.
"He's hidden a friendship from me that has been going on for nearly a year. He has never, ever done this before, and has been a completely open book in all our years together.
"The last five years have been so good for us emotionally, and our relationship felt solid as far as I was concerned...
"But last week, he introduced me to his single, 28-year-old female friend who he met through a hobby... it turns out they've been regularly meeting up since late last year, texting multiple times a day, including gifts and planning things around their hobby... I have never seen my husband speak to anyone like he speaks to her. Except me.
"He is a man who I know has strong moral boundaries, and keeps a safe distance from other women, doesn't encourage and is completely platonic with all of his female friends - which is clearly no longer the case."
The woman said she has seen most of their text messages and although there is no 'sex' chat, the pair are "overly affectionate and express mutual appreciation and excitement for finding each other," and she hates reading them.
The man initially deleted the messages, but the woman was able to restore them on his phone, which she admits is a "red flag" on her behalf.
"I've told him that I need him to cut all contact with her - but he had a serious meltdown, insists it's just friends and that I should trust him," she went on. "I find this impossible considering the lengths he's taken to hide her...
"I feel sick, distrustful, and anxious. I know what I should be doing, but I don't want him to be unhappy at the same time - especially if it is actually platonic." Turning to the forum, she pleaded: "Thoughts on how I navigate this?"
The comments came in thick and fast. One user replied: "I'm really sorry. As soon as they start begging and pleading to be friends with another woman, likely you’ve already lost him."
A second chimed in: "He is making light of the situation. If he can't/won't stop chatting or meeting up then it's a discussion of his hobby - or your marriage".
A third reasoned: "Are you sure it is more than just good friends and a hobby in common? Is she single?
"I don’t think you can dictate his friends, but if you don’t trust him and think he’s trying to sleep with her, then you need to end it."